Tuesday, January 26, 2010

We All Need Some "ME" Time

Self less or Selfish
We have to learn Selfishness in order to appreciate selflessness.
Learning to love one’s self, understanding what and who one is about is something that cannot be described with mere words.
I believe that in order to be able to commit yourself entirely to a successful relationship
You have to know yourself inside out, what you are about, what your needs are, what your expectations are and how to go about fulfilling them.
Honestly going into a relationship without discovering yourself is hurtful both on you and the other person involved.
Everything we do revolves around our thirst, our search, our yearning for more, more of us, more happiness, more satisfaction.
Thinking back to a lot of my relationships I see that first of all, while in the relationship sometimes I feel like I do not know myself well enough to even let the other person get to know me.
If I feel this way how then am I expected to appreciate learning about the other person?
Which is what relationships are all about.
A line stuck out to me while watching an episode of one of my favorite shows “How I met your mother”
Ted Mosby one of the characters said “in order to have a great relationship, you need three things, you need to be comfortable in your skin, you need to know yourself in and out and be ready to learn about the other person”
And I thought deeply about these words, and felt like I was missing out on a lot of things actually two of the things listed above.

Think about it, first point:
Comfortable in your skin:: If I feel under weight or over weight I will not be confident in myself or my ability, I have been reading this book (Good life) on health and it is amazing what a healthy body does to your confidence, and I am a huge testimony to that. These past three weeks, I took a pact to go to the gym every single day and I did, I worked out for 2hours everyday and my energy level skyrocketed. I became a lot more confident; I felt better in my skin and looked on to greater things I could accomplish with my body. I went out with friends after my work out regime and YES I felt awesome, I did not feel any sort of intimidation from the girl next to me, I felt BEAUTIFUL, because I am definitely comfortable in my skin. I also thought it very interesting when a girl I was hanging out with complained about how fat she is and I can tell you this girl is less than half my size.. When she said that, I laughed in my head and said to myself “wow, that was you some weeks back, but now I feel great” also in the same book, I read on how participating in self-talk is very healthy. Those who know me well know I love self-talk. I always take time to think about my actions and other things and talk to myself (sometimes from an objective POV) I never put myself down, but I always say I can do better and congratulate myself for what I have accomplished. Being comfortable in your skin is very important and you can accomplish this in many ways, getting massages, manicures, pedicures, working out, eating good, taking time to groom yourself etc.

Second Major point:
Knowing yourself.. When a guy wants to get to know you, he asks you about yourself and what do you say when you really think about it and you do not know yourself. You wake up each day and look at yourself like a stranger, you think back on some of your actions and wonder if that is really you. You are like a shifting persona -One with many personalities. The essence of a beautiful relationship is to know who you are, and if you do not know who you are you are sure to settle for less or worse, because you do not even know what it is exactly that you want. I had a nice chat with one of my girlfriends (Ms LB Martins aka LaLa Martins) and we were on the same track. I went to church that morning and felt good, and the thing on my mind was finding the right soul mate, tall dark handsome etc blah blah blah, now seems so dead to me. When I think about it, I have been searching for tall dark and handsome for the longest time and none have remained, they have all come and gone, so that had me thinking especially after hearing the sermon that morning. LB Martins and I came to conclusion that a man who fears God is the best type of man, regardless of his tallness, darkness or handsomeness, because at the end of the day, a man with the fear of God is very capable of loving you. I realized that I have been searching for Mr. Perfect in the wrong crowds and with the wrong people. So I am currently on a soul searching mission to put my priorities in order and know what it is exactly that I am looking for and I desire so I will not settle for less, and my doing that I know I will find NOT the perfect guy, but the “ideal” one.

Getting ready to know the other person:
Honestly this is the last and final stage, the other two can be changed around or done at the same time, but this stage in particular has to remain for the last stage, because to get to know a person you have to know yourself, what it is you have to offer the person, what the person has to offer you, what you see getting out of the relationship and if it should be pursued or not. Getting to know the other person is also dependent on if the other person really is ready to know you and knows himself or herself.

We have to learn selfishness to learn and appreciate selflessness,
Learn to care for you
Learn about you
Love yourself
Love learning about yourself
Reward yourself
And you will have no problem doing this to others since it is already a habit.
Be in a relationship with you first and know what it takes to be with you and then you can figure who you can be with. It is the nicest threesome ever:::: Me, Myself and I, ---> then Me, yourself and Us.


  1. love it good job...

  2. This is really good!! thumbs ups....

  3. Wow...I had to comment. very well thought out.